And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
