help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
