I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
