my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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