i would punch a child for taco bell
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
