but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
