Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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