i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
