So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize