if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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