What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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