I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
