u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
