My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
