Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.