Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround