i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.