The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.