I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved