he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Houston, we have a blender
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
