just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
