She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
