Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
