I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're a waste of cheezeits
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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