I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
