I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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