if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize