she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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