My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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