My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
