Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
