I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
