If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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