Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
