i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
