i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
