so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
