Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
