we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize