she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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