I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
