You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize