"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
