Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
