I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
