I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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