dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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