too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
