You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
