When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
