can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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