note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
