imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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