Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
