hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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