Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
