May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
