But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
