It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
