My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
