I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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