my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
