Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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